How can making money in the city lead me to feel like a failure?
In my late 20s, we had the dot.com bubble burst while I was working in SF;
8 years later, we had the Great Financial Crisis while I was working in NYC.
With each correction, I had to find a new job and create a new way for myself.
Success was all about survival of the fittest, going for the kill, and making money.
The day my boss made me into a portfolio manager at a top hedge fund,
It felt better than:
giving birth to my daughters,
getting married and even
getting into Harvard Business School.
I felt high - (dopamine had kicked in)
The value of my stock was going up.
I was lucky to have achieved all this by age 40.
After working 12 hours a day, managing nannies, making my girls practice violin every night,
I thought I had made it.
But extrinsically, we had to keep up; we were on the lower-income side of Greenwich. Intrinsically, there was something inside of me that was lurking.
I couldn’t see what was next.
I worked this hard, and for what?
Was it the pressure of the rat race?
Did I hit a wall and not know it?
I felt trapped.
I could have just told myself - just quit.
I didn’t even have to be a financial provider as a mother.
I even thought life might be easier if I were a man because he doesn’t have a choice;
he has to provide for the family.
The rationale side of me - our lifestyle was comfortable,
we didn’t spend more than we made,
we saved our bonuses, we only had a mortgage.
The irrational side of me - life was getting harder.
Other people were making money so much easier
- by being in the right seat at the right time in the early days of Google or Facebook.
I was in a dark place, my mind narrowed. It focuses on one thing: escape.
When we escaped to Houston, TX, for my husband’s job,
I was at peace for a little while, out of the rat race of NYC.
I found another job, but my midlife crisis persisted, and
my sadness returned when yet another bubble burst - oil prices crashed - bad for Houston and our portfolios but great for the rest of the country.
Maybe someone else can make me happy,
Maybe I should enjoy my wine, and that will make me happy?
I was desperate for answers. Researching and looking…
But escape doesn’t always mean the end.
Sometimes, it means finding a new way to see the problem.
When you feel trapped, think again. Is that the only way? - Thomas Oppong
I knew I had no control over the stock market, my career, or my future.
Investing in stocks? What economic value does that bring to society?
How could I ever translate this into a different industry, a new talent or job opportunity set?
“We always have choices. You always do. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Life is mostly how you feel. When you’re drowning in despair, logic goes out of the window. You hold onto what makes sense in that moment.
Epictetus knew this.
He lived in a world of suffering. He was a slave. He understood pain. He also said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus understood that suffering isn’t just about pain. It’s about perspective. The mind decides what is unbearable and what is reasonable. The same act that seems unthinkable one day can feel like the only option the next.
How we interpret reality is how we live.” again from Thomas Oppong post.
Then out of left field, I randomly attended a parent ed season at my daughters' school in Houston, on a Saturday morning -
Titled Your Family’s Core Values: Creating a Family Mission Statement.
I listened.
I wondered.
Just like a business, families should have a mission statement?
To have a mission statement means you have values and a sense of direction.
Then it hit me: I had no idea where I was going or what I wanted in my life.
I hadn’t stopped to figure out what was meaningful to me… we all have something inside of us a problem that we need to solve … this little problem can be the answer to help us get over ourselves and our own walls.
A mission helps us get over the feeling of being trapped,
For me, my mission was to gain control.
My wall that was blocking me was trapping me in a life that I didn't have control over.
To gain control, I had to get stronger, practice at something.
This is the basis for building wealth.
A different mindset to getting back to taking control. We are not victims of circumstance. We engineer our own experiences, mostly in our heads. We choose how we see the world. We choose how we respond to it. It’s a powerful truth. Ingrained patterns like trauma or years of conditioning are difficult to change. It takes more than a mindset change for someone with severe depression.
I realized I had to figure out my purpose, and to do this, I had to take risks.
Risk is scary. Risk is hard.
Risk is the possibility of something negative happening. It can also be defined as the likelihood of an outcome negatively affecting people, systems, or assets.
What if I invest my time and energy into something and I still fail?
This is the chance I had to take to show other women ways to build a foundation of wealth…. Which can lead to financial independence and liberty.
My weekly newsletter is about financial concepts that can help you navigate a complex society of things you can’t control but give you information and signals so you can take information and use it to navigate through the maze of life, and the city, pivot which will reward you with life satisfaction, money, and fulfillment.
I'm trying to build my audience.
If there is someone you think would find my post inspiring, please forward this to him/her.
Thank you for reading!
Tiffany Kent
Your Friendly Wealth Engagement Guide
Disclosures: Past performance is not indicative of future results. This material is not financial advice or an offer to sell any product. The information contained herein should not be considered a recommendation to purchase or sell any particular security. Forward-looking statements cannot be guaranteed.
This commentary offers generalized research, not personalized investment advice. It is for informational purposes only and does not constitute a complete description of our investment services or performance. Nothing in this commentary should be interpreted to state or imply that past results are an indication of future investment returns. All investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to consult with an investment & tax professional before implementing any investment strategy. Investing involves risk. Principal loss is possible.