The Journey to Personal Leadership
- Tiffany Kent
- Dec 6, 2024
- 4 min read
On a cold December morning, I found myself wrestling with the concept of leadership—not in the traditional sense of leading others, but in the deeply personal sense of leading yourself.
Lesson 1: Letting Go of Control
Leadership begins at home, and for me, that often means navigating relationships with my children. Recently, I reflected on a recurring struggle with my 11th grader, who has made it abundantly clear she doesn’t want to talk about music. Naturally, music is the only thing I want to talk about with her!
But I realized something: leadership isn’t about imposing your will; it’s about creating space for mutual respect and understanding. Stephen R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People helped me reframe this through the win/win mindset—an approach rooted in maturity and abundance.
By letting go of my need to control the conversation, I created room for a better relationship. It wasn’t easy, but it taught me an important lesson: effective leadership, even in personal relationships, often requires stepping back to move forward.
Lesson 2: Overcoming Fear and Judgment
One of the greatest barriers to personal leadership is fear. Fear of judgment, failure, or simply stepping out of your comfort zone. When I first started sharing my thoughts online, I was terrified.
"What if people think I’m ridiculous?""What if they laugh at me?"
It reminded me of the line from Carrie: “They’re all going to laugh at you.” That voice in our heads, echoing societal expectations or past experiences, keeps us small.
But personal leadership requires moving past that fear. As Chase Jarvis writes in Don’t Play It Safe, playing it safe is the surest way to stagnate. True growth happens when you take risks, even when it feels uncomfortable. For me, that meant silencing the voice of doubt and showing up authentically. The moment I stopped caring what others thought, I unlocked a new level of freedom—and with it, a stronger sense of self.
Lesson 3: Leading Through the Darkness
Ten years ago, I made a pivotal decision to stop following the herd. It was liberating, but also terrifying. I felt lost and overwhelmed, unsure of my next steps.
This moment reminded me of a scene from Apocalypse Now, based on Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. Martin Sheen’s character, stuck in a hotel room, spirals into despair:"Waiting for a mission, every minute I stay in this room, I’m getting weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he is getting stronger…”
The reference underscores the psychological and physical toll of war. In the context of the movie, Martin Sheen's character, Captain Willard, is stuck in a hotel room, waiting for his next mission. His internal struggle reflects the feeling of stagnation while his adversaries (Charlie) grow stronger, symbolizing the urgency of action and the cost of inaction—not just in war but in life.
That scene mirrors the internal struggle of personal leadership. It’s easy to feel stuck—waiting for clarity, direction, or permission. But true leaders don’t wait for the mission. They create it.
For me, this meant doing the hard work of self-discovery:
Writing and reflecting.
Confronting my doubts.
Being honest about my strengths and limitations.
The journey was dark and lonely at times, but on the other side, I found clarity.
Most importantly, I found the courage to lead myself into a new chapter of life.
Leadership Is a Daily Practice
Personal leadership isn’t a one-time decision; it’s a daily practice. It’s in the small, intentional moments that we shape who we are:
A crisp, cold morning run that clears your mind.
Quality time with your kids, not controlling them but encouraging them.
Writing, reflecting, and discovering new ideas that inspire action.
I’m often reminded of a lecture by William Deresiewicz at West Point, where he said:"True leadership means being able to think for yourself and act on your convictions."
That’s the essence of personal leadership: thinking independently, trusting your instincts, and having the courage to act—even when it feels uncomfortable.
If You’re in Transition, Keep Leading Yourself
Transitions, whether professional or personal, are some of the hardest times to lead yourself. It’s easy to feel lost or overwhelmed, to doubt your ability to navigate the unknown. But these moments are also the most transformative.
When I look back on my own periods of transition, I see how they shaped me. The moments of frustration and uncertainty were necessary for growth. They forced me to confront what wasn’t working and to chart a new course.
Now, I can confidently say: “I am exactly where I need to be.”
This post was inspired by this article.
So, if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, know this: you’re not alone. I'm here to help.
Tiffany Kent
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